Rabbits, On Average, Use Fewer Cell Phone Minutes
Than Other Creatures in the Forest – CoverUps.com

A typical rabbit making a typical call during peak weekday hours. Said rabbit recently abandoned T-Mobile's 'MyFav' plan in lieu of something less gimmicky, since rabbits are known to be even quicker on the phone than when racing tortoises.

By Scratch DeReno
CoverUps.com Investigator

ACROSS THE U.S.A. – Studies are now showing that out of all the animals in the animal kingdom, rabbits have the lowest average cell phone monthly charges. As well as being fast-footed they are notoriously quick phone conversationalists. Rabbits seldom exceed their minutes, hence they often have the luxury of special low monthly minute plans that are geared toward these fast functioning rodents, CoverUps has learned. It has the cell phone companies confounded as to the way to still take advantage of them.

“We try to rig any plan so that no matter what kind of deal you think you are getting, in the end your still screwed,” admitted Ex-T-Mobile Marketing Vice President, Tom Vodafioni.

By comparison, Vodafioni said that the tortoises usually rack up the most off-peak minutes because they are notoriously slow conversationalists. They make a fortune of most turtles, he said. However, he said tortoises usually make up for high overages because they rarely get hit with “roaming” charges.

On the other hand, rabbits tend to get reemed with roaming charges, but ever since they made national roaming free, it is hard to 'jack' up any profits on rabbits.

Vodafione said that migratory birds typically get walloped each time they fly around the world. These birds have been a huge moneymaker for cell phone companies.

“The birds are a freaking gravy train,” he said. “As long as we have them, we can continue to keep our technology prices incredibly high, eh, I mean low.”

Did he just say “higher” costs and think we missed it? What does he think we are a bunch of Dodos?

“No, I can tell you're not because you don’t have blue-tooth.”

Vodafioni said that biggest money maker out of all of their customers are Woodpeckers.

“They text like you wouldn’t freaking believe!”