Tricycle Commuting On The Rise – CoverUps.com

Cliff Baumshitz, 55, a Chicago-based architect, has opted out of the headaches of driving to work. He takes a tricycle instead – and says he loves it.

By "Scratch" DeReno
CoverUps.com Investigator

CHICAGO, IL – Transportation industry eyebrows are rising because of the booming popularity of tricycling to work. Even more striking, environmentalists and other observers can’t think of one way to nitpick what has traditionally been a mode of transportation reserved for toddlers.

“I was sick of the all the trouble and expense of driving my Hummer H3 to work every day,” said Clifford Baumshitz, an architect. “Last week I was backing out of the garage when I accidentally ran over our dog and my wife’s Volkswagen Beatle. Then I noticed my toddler’s tricycle in the corner of the garage.”

Inspiration struck, and Baumshitz hopped on the tricycle and headed off to work. Though his commute time increased from one hour to four days, Baumshitz didn't mind.

“I always wanted more private time, and this tricycle commute thing really lets me get away from it all,” he said. “I mean, I can’t stand my family anyhow, and I was never too thrilled about work either. When I leave on Monday, by the time I get to work it's Thursday. It's practically time to turn around and go back home.”

Often Baumshitz finds himself racing against an “old lady on a walker” in what has become a friendly competition. “Old Mrs. Mapplethorpe laughed the first time she saw me coming up behind her,” Baumshitz remembered. “She put her walker into high gear and picked up the pace… But I edged her out. We had a good laugh over it later at the pharmacy where we were both buying painkillers.”

Mrs. Virginia Mapplethorpe, 77. Baumshitz likes the camaraderie of her company. Mapplethorpe thinks Baumshitz is “a dunce who needs to have his head unstuck from his derriere. But don't tell him I said that.”

Baumshtiz admitted there were pitfalls to his unconventional mode of transportation.

"Forget the truckers and the SUVs," he said. "I'm talking about the Amish. The irate horse and buggy set. They're a menace."

The Amish crowd, it turns out, has no sympathy for trikers on public thoroughfares.

“I can't tell you how many times those speed demons nearly ran me off the road with their horse drawn buggies," Baumshitz fumed. "I gotta tell you – I'm as pacifist as they come – but if those bearded bastards continue to insist on riding my ass, I'm gonna take off my spoke flares and ... ”

Isaac “The Intimidator” Abner races along a rural South Wisconsin road, which he's now forced to share with tricycle commuters bound for Chicago. He's not happy about sharing the road with dudes on trikes. Not one bit.

One Amish man in particular seems to have it in for him, Baumshitz said. Isaac “The Intimidator” Abner nearly drove Baumshitz off the road last week. Worse, Baumshitz said Abner “accidentally” dropped an enormous jar of honey on the road in front of him, creating a sweet, sticky puddle that caused him to lose control of his tricycle and crash.

“Lucky I was only doing 1 mile per hour,” he said. “Otherwise, I could've been seriously injured.”

But two can play at that game, said Baumshitz. “I just might bring the Hummer next time. I'll clean both Abner and the horse he rode in on off the road.”