Clinically Insane
Serving Fast Food - CoverUps.com

In Pittsburgh's suburban Robison Township, a KFC restaurant's drive-thru lane contains a recruitment poster for the clinically insane. Such posters have both employees and advocates for the clinically insane bouncing off walls.

By Scratch DeReno
CoverUps.com Investigator

PITTSBURGH, PA - in an alarming U.S. employment trend, it would appear that the clinically insane are increasingly being called to fill jobs in the fast food industry and assume other menial occupations once reserved for the teenage right of passage.

KFC has been in industry leader it the recruitment of the clinically insane and is an ardent defender of the practice.

"You would be amazed at how the clinically insane buy into our mantra of serving the best friend chicken in the world," said KFC spokesperson Larry Saunders III (no relation to The Colonel). "You just can't find help like this nowadays. It is hard to convince senior citizens of the importance of serving a fresh bucket of chicken, each and every time. They just don't buy into our customer first philosophy. Teenagers… well, they could care less."

Some feel the recruitment of the clinically insane is simply a sign of the times.

"What are you going to do?" said frequent KFC customer Mark Newman, "On one hand, you hate to see clinically insane people programmed to buy into some friend chicken manifesto and steered towards fast food jobs… On the other hand, due to a lack of concentration, sometimes I accidentally get an extra wing or two."

Others feel that hiring clinically insane people for customer service is not only demeaning but comes boxed with its own special set of problems.

"I ordered a variety bucket the other day," said Tom Ingold of Ross Township, a Pittsburgh suburb. "The guy must have had turrets syndrome or something. Every time I pointed to one of the entrée combos on the billboard menu, he started dropping F-bombs about drumsticks and wings. I was kind of scared, when I realized he wasn't all there…. Luckily, management stepped in and prevented a scene… that was good."

Ingold said the insane employee was "put down" with some kind of stun gun. Then several managers had to carry away the frothing at the mouth employee in a straight jacket.

"I was kind of disturbed at first, but then I realized the maniac at least got my order correct… In my book, that's more than I can say for some teenagers."