Lindsay Lohan Speaks Out On
Drawbacks Of Sobriety – CoverUps.com
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Beleaguered celeb Lindsay Lohan drove this car around the block from her mother's Malibu home. She claims she was only going to buy "energy drinks" when she topped 140 mph and crashed into a tree. Compounding matters, she claims someone must have planted a "cocaine bush" there too because where else would all that junk come from that officers found at the accident scene? |
By Scratch De Reno
CoverUps.com InvestigatorHOLLYWOOD – It is a shame to see anyone wrestle with immaturity, stupidity and alcohol (but enough about me). Finally, someone is putting their foot down and her approach has many so-called sane people outraged. .
Celebrity badgirl Lindsay Lohan wants to change her image by changing the way Americans view sobriety. She figures if you can’t beat it, join it.
“Okay, I thought long and hard about actually changing my lifestyle,” Lohan told CoverUps.com. “But, screw it. Why should I change? That requires morale effort and a bit of class. I don’t really have any of that.”
Instead, she feels America should change.
“Those of us who drink irresponsibly have been cowered into thinking we are less citizens, that someone getting trashed and wrecking a vehicle is less deserving of respect than say a volunteer worker at a soup kitchen, ehhh…I mean that is embarrassing”
Lohan went on to explain that nobody in her immediate five mile radius had as many socks as she got fancy cars. She enjoyed rubbing that in our face.
“Well, not one of you has as many cars as I do…. I can wreck one and get another like a got a runner in a stocking... When you get up in the morning you put on those cheap pants, I put on a new sports car.”
It must be noted, that a small minority actually agree that it is time to embrace the drunken and slovenly lifestyle she advocates and lives on a daily basis.
A urine-soaked homeless man sleeping on a park bench with a bottle of ripple, Carl, thinks it’s about time someone has spoken up for his lifestyle.
“I mean there are those that want to legalize marijuana right,” the wheezing man said, “but…jeez… oh, I just crapped….”
Perhaps more disturbing: we learned Lohan wants to open her own health retreat modeled on the very rehab center that apparently did very little for her. Only instead of helping cure alcoholism, her health center it will encourage it. Instead of New Horizons, her center will be called New Tab Beginnings.
MAD (Mothers against drunk driving) are naturally outraged whereas she received a ringing endorsement from DAMM (drunks against mad mothers).
In the end, we here at CoverUps are reminded of a famous line from the movie Animal House where Dean Wermer exhorted his failing student Flounder: “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.”
We would add skinny, drunk and stupid to the list.
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