Maniac Boss Wanted For Attacking Employees
Who "Poop" Too Long - CoverUps.com
Hugh Boyle, President and CEO of Hurricane Home Equity Services, has attacked and wounded three employees with a claw hammer for allegedly wasting his companies money by “sitting on the crapper until Kingdom come.” He is currently be sought on aggravated assault charges and assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill by the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Department.
By Matthew “Scratch” De Reno
CoverUps.com InvestigatorCLEARWATER, Fl — Hurricane Home Equity Services President and CEO Hugh Boyle was always watching his companies nickel. After all, ultimately they were his nickels.
Nothing irked him more than employees that would chronically drain the financial resources of his company by "sitting on the crapper" all day and thereby shirking their duties. Sources close to the estranged president said every “ruffle of the sports” coming from under a stall door, "ruffled his feathers."
Last week, Boyle flipped and attacked several chronic offenders who he believed where malingering in the men’s room.
Ken Munchhausen, Post Closing Specialist with Hurricane Home Equity Solutions, reenacts an event in which he was nearly killed in August by Boyle, when the maniacal boss kicked the stall door down on "shitter no. 3" and assaulted Munchhausen.
Friends of Boyle claim an accident traumatized him as a child.
Boyle was taking a dump at a construction site port-a-john when a cement mixer truck accidentally knocked it over and he nearly died from all that blue stuff. To this day, employees say he has suffered recurring flashbacks of the day "the sh*t came down on him."
He was also fired from the job when it was discovered that he had been in the port-of-john for over an hour, reading the sports page. Ever since, he has cracked down on malingering in the men’s room. Having his own company, it is said he wants to set a good example.
Friends and workers at his company say he simply went over the top.
"We want Mr. Boyle to know that help is available," said Hillsborough detective Ricardo Gomez. "We all have shitty days at the office. We just have to take it in stride."
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