AMTRAK Officially Proclaims,
"Hey, We're a step up from Greyhound!" – CoverUps.com
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Amtrak has long been considered a first-rate option for Americans looking for a cheap, inexpensive way to travel, but efforts to compete against airlines and automobiles have always come up short. Now, in less lofty marketing campaign, Amtrak plans to tout itself as a step up from Greyhound. So far they've received good feedback, despite complaints and lawsuit threats from Greyhound Trailways. |
By Scratch DeReno
CoverUps.com InvestigatorWASHINGTON, D.C. – Amtrak President & CEO Alexander Kummant has come up with a new marketing plan that he says will help properly position Amtrak as a transportation niche company. It’s called the “Step up from the Bus” campaign, and so far it’s off to a resoundingly successful start.
“For decades, ever since we were formed, we’ve tried to stem the exodus from passenger rail service,” said Kummant. “Now, we’re just saying screw that – let’s go with our strength. We’re a step up from the damn Greyhound bus. Period.”
Kummant says this new approach has resonated with customers, who don’t have the deep pockets to fly due to skyrocketing jet fuel costs, to say nothing of the hit they take every time they pull up at the gas pump. But these beleaguered customers still have standards.
“We will fully refund the ticket price to any customer who smells urine anywhere on our trains,” Kummant said. “Let’s see Greyhound match that one.”
Kummant showed us results from an Amtrak market demographic study, which profiles various segments of the American traveling public. We reprint them here for your convenience as a CoverUps exclusive:
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This computer composite generation shows your typical Greyhound Bus traveler: Shower lag time: estimated at 5.6 days. Department store index: consignment shops, Dollar stores & thrift stores; Odor Index: High; Luggage; Hefty cinch sack; Wireless devices: What the F are those? |
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This typical Amtrak passenger train customer: Shower lag time: 2.1 days; department store index: K-Mart, ValueCity, Gabes; Odor Index: medium to high; Luggage: backpack, gym bag. Wireless devices: Cricket. |
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Computer composite simulation of a typical airline passenger: Shower Lag Time: estimated at 0.0; Department store index: Nordstrom’s, Macy’s, GAP, Banana Republic, other high-end stores typical; Odor Index: None; Luggage: Samsonite; Wireless devices: iPhone, Blackberry. |
If all goes according to plan, Kummant expects to see Amtrak ridership in passenger rail service achieve a modest level of steady business, though nothing approaching the record levels it once enjoyed in the pre-WWII era, when intercity travel was pretty much owned by the railroads.
“Hey, we know our market and we’re going to serve them,” Kummant said with a smile. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a plane to catch.”
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